Category Archives: coaching

Boot Camp

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One more lap. One more rep. One more breath. I think I can make it.

by Pete Ferguson

I’ve been battling with age for the last few years. Call it 40′s survival.

Almost by accident my wife signed us up for boot camp in exchange for teaching the instructor’s daughter in preschool.

I remember the first few classes well. I was sure death was just around the corner. Then I learned that my body was capable of much more than sitting on a couch.

Knee pain, back pain, shoulder pain. But I pushed on. I pushed through. I had a small-in-stature but huge-in-heart Latina kicking my butt the whole way. And the pounds began to drop. I began to have more energy. I began to live again. The pain began to subside.

We took a break from boot camp for almost a year and hit the gym. We hooked up with a good friend who exercises more than anyone I know. And I was able to lift more than I ever lifted. I’m continually amazed at what the physical body can accomplish when the mental abilities kick in. But the lack of cardio sent my weight back up to where I began before boot camp. So about a month back we started up again with Marianne and she is kicking our butts back into shape.

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Today we did about two miles back in boot camp with weights. Stopping every 100 yards to drop and do pushups, squats, arm exercises. The fresh air from the mountains washed over me, letting me know I could hold on a bit longer, try a bit harder. The “girl weights” I started off with felt like 100 lbs each by the time we made the two miles.

Drenched in sweat, mind clear, it all came together.

It feels good to be alive.

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What is Your Shelf Life?

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It’s really clear to me that you can’t hang onto something longer than its time. Ideas lose certain freshness, ideas have a shelf life, and sometimes they have to be replaced by other ideas. ~ Alan Alda

by Pete Ferguson

Having a great idea is great. Taking action on it is even better. But as soon as I start to rest on my laurels, the expiration of greatness can sneak up on me and begin to stink.

It’s funny, because we can see other’s shelf life easily – It’s the guy who has been in the job for over a decade and always wants to talk about the good old days (um, sometimes that’s me!).

Or it is the gal who came up with a great idea and was recognized for it … five years ago … and hasn’t done much since.

Within my profession, there is a certification that requires taking a pretty difficult test (the test is difficult, not the knowledge the test is supposed to be validating). People expect that gaining the three letters CPP, PCP, or PSP behind their name is supposed to somehow ensure greatness for the coming decades. Same goes for PhD, DDS, etc. The shelf life of the letters expires the Monday after you received them. Party is over, time to look for the next great thing.

I find I’m happiest when I’m focused on the road ahead instead of what is fading away in the rear view mirror.

An acting career usually has about a shelf life of ten years before people get sick of seeing you. It’s a good thing to have a job to fall back on and I really do enjoy directing. ~ George Clooney

Understanding your own shelf life takes practice and humility.

Jerry Seinfield pulled the plug on his show when everyone else thought there was another season or two. Smart move. Michael Jordan retired in his prime.

Intellectual property has the shelf life of a banana. ~ Bill Gates

The moments in my life that are most disappointing occur when I didn’t see change coming. I didn’t realize my shelf life on a project or in a position had long since expired. But everyone around me knew it! I had begun to stink in yesterday’s success.

So how do you keep from expiring? I have a few thoughts, but I’m mostly interested in yours:

  1. Read. Read. Read some more. Study the lives of great people and learn from their successes and failures.
  2. Read outside of your genre. I’m in the physical security profession, but I read about psychology, coaching, technology, cars, etc.
  3. Be sure to have a few good mentors who will tell you how it is straight up. If they are hurting your feelings, good, that means they smell what you are not smelling.
  4. Listen more than you talk. Also consider hiring a career coach.
  5. Every year commit to stop doing about 1/3 of what you are currently doing and replace it with big, bold, challenging tasks – that way you are a new person every three years.

This is where I need you to chime in – because your perspective will benefit me more than me typing a few more words. Selfish, I know, but lay it on straight. My WordPress theme is really stale, my writing is getting predictable … lay it on. Or let me know what tricks you have used over the years to keep it fresh.

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Forcing the Fit

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If a square peg doesn’t fit a round hole, neither the peg nor the hole is to blame. ~ Jeffrey Bryant

by Pete Ferguson

Last night I came home to a very tearful and broken seven-year-old daughter.

Recently we needed to find a new piano teacher for my kids, so we did our research and identified the “best” teacher in the area. Her resume of experience and education was excellent. We were convinced that this is what our family needed and scheduled an interview.

She met with each of our children and it seemed like a good fit – except that she warned her style works better for older children. Wanting to keep everyone together, we forced the fit.

Now my daughter, Ashley, was beginning to question her self-worth because she was clashing with the strict personality of this expert teacher. She let her emotions go at her lesson yesterday and it didn’t end well, and as a result we are now in search of a better teacher/student personality fit.

How many times have you heard “grin and bear it?”

“Suck it up?”

Sometimes that is needed to get through a rough patch, but I’m learning that upon hearing these phrases in my mind or coming out of other people’s mouths that it is also a potential indicator that there is not a good fit and something needs to change.

… the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It’s that you’re destroying the peg. ~ Paul Collins

At work I’ve similarly witnessed a bad fit – and at very senior levels. I recall years ago being asked to organize a vehicle to pick up a new VP and entourage. My company is known for the CEO sitting in a cubicle and leadership who are approachable.

The new guy was supposed to be “the guy” to take our company to the next level. He was cold and standoffish. He treated me like the hired help while every other senior leader I’ve worked around has always taken time to ask my name and a little about me.

I recall at the time thinking – the startup ride is finally over, we are now going to be like everybody else and our culture of friendly people would be going away.

Thankfully he didn’t last very long. Despite his resume and experience, his personality wasn’t a good fit and he moved on to another opportunity.

The same has happened for people on my team over the years. Great experience. Great education. Great references. But in the end, it hasn’t been a good fit and no one was happy.

I’ve found that I’m a square peg and I need to avoid trying to slip into circular holes where a lot of pressure and change must be applied for me to “fit.”

Within the many civic, religious, business, and personal responsibilities you have, there are likely situations that are not a great fit. Today is the day to identify it and search for where you will fit in better.

It is different than just quitting – it is providing an opportunity for you and the organization to soar to new heights by removing a roadblock.

What relationships are you trying to force? Maybe it is time for a different approach.

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Opinion

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What people in the world think of you is really none of your business. ~ Martha Graham

by Pete Ferguson

I’m an expert in one area beyond anyone else in the world. I’m certain of it.

It doesn’t make me smart, necessarily. But it can make me feel smug. Or it can make me feel confident, insecure, delusional, or arrogant.

Regardless of study or the amount of time you spend with me, you will never be as expert as I am in this one area, though you may be able to give me additional insight I’ve not yet seen.

I am an expert on my own opinion.

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Of course I do not think I’m always right – experience, the opinions of others, maturity and self-reflection all help me in that area – but I do always have my opinion to fall back on.

As I gain more years of experience (we won’t call it age …), I realize that my opinion is based on so little understanding. So I do my best to withhold judgement. I’m working harder to try and analyze without coming to too many opinions too quickly.

I’m succeeding more than ever, I’m still failing enough to keep me humble and self-aware.

The journey really began when I found a quote that shattered my inner world:

I shared this with my wife and we do our best to constantly move towards discussing ideas. If a person has crossed one of us – or at least we felt they did – we will start talking about the person, then move towards the surrounding event, then work to migrate to the larger ideas.

Reality TV is the ultimate brain drug for remaining in the sphere of talking about people – people you’ve never even met or know. You can talk about it for hours, days and years and make little to no progress.

How crazy is that?

When I reflect back at the end of the day to where I spent the most time, I’m always most pleased when I have focused more time on ideas than events or people. Around the dinner table we try to talk about situations and events that happened in our lives with our kids. They love to hear what a mess we were when we were their age emotionally.

It means I’m contributing to the world in a beneficial way.

What’s inside of your head?

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Tiaras in My Man Cave

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A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another. ~ Unknown

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by Pete Ferguson

About a year ago my wife gave me a sanctuary within our home – she converted the family office into a man cave just for me. She went out and bought the furnishings, framed pictures in dark brown and furnished the room in nice manly colors and textures.

The agreement we have is that I can dump my stuff and shut the door. I don’t have to have it tidy, just presentableThe agreement we have is that I can dump my stuff and shut the door. I don’t have to have it tidy, just presentable as it is on the main level and having the door open allows for additional natural light for the music room. It is a bit of a consolation prize for when I gave up my previous den – the home theater – to Steph’s preschool.

The original intention is for this room to be the one place that is mine in the entire house where we share square footage with five kids, six instruments, and lots of female decorations and entrappings.  When I need a time out, I can go into my cave, close the door, and have a break for a few moments. It is like a get out of jail free card in Monopoly – I don’t get many and I have to use them sparingly for it to be fair to all involved.

It has been fantastic, and it is where the majority of my writing and reading is done in the late and early hours of the day while the rest of the house is still sleeping.

What I have found, however, is that the rest of family has moved in when I am not around. Legos from Miles are a regular find when I come home from work, Mark seems to think my desk is his desk and it is usually a complete mess.

And then ever so subtly several weeks ago, I noticed three tiaras atop a stack of books.

At first I was a bit annoyed.

I had envisioned that this room was the one sterilized “Me Zone.” But I left them there as a subtle reminder that one of my greatest responsibilities is to raise three women who will have great self confidence and not have to go seeking for male validation outside of the home.

Now I get a great kick out of knowing that the kids miss me when I’m gone and that they want a piece of my man cave. When I am gone for several days, they will congregate within and that is how they connect with me.

Family life is an interesting balance of enough “me time” to continue my personal growth and development and time that needs to be donated to serve others and focus on their growth and development.

The modern man isn’t the guy who disappears on a horse into the Wild West for months at a time to earn enough money for the family to survive. The modern man has to be engaged in what is going on around him, sacrifice time, money, and attention to the needs of others.

One day in the not so distant future I will sit in this man cave alone during the day. The house will be silent and I will long for the pitter patter of tiny footsteps and hope that the grandchildren will soon come and mess up my man cave. For now I’m living the dream and enjoying every moment of it!

“…I’ve made it my business to observe fathers and daughters. And I’ve seen some incredible, beautiful things. Like the little girl who’s not very cute – her teeth are funny, and her hair doesn’t grow right, and she’s got on thick glasses – but her father holds her hand and walks with her like she’s a tiny angel that no one can touch. He gives her the best gift a woman can get in this world: protection. And the little girl learns to trust the man in her life. And all the things that the world expects from women – to be beautiful, to soothe the troubled spirit, heal the sick, care for the dying, send the greeting card, bake the cake – allof those things become the way we pay the father back for protecting us…”  ~ Adriana Trigiani, Big Stone Gap

Control FREAK

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It’s not like I let people do things for me, so I guess you can call me a control freak, or you can call me passionate. ~ Courtney Cox

by Pete Ferguson

This morning a friend shared that over the weekend she was labeled a “Control Freak” in a sentence that went something like this … “it’s not like you’d understand, you are a control freak.”

Them’s fight’n words.

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~ Carrie Fisher

Or it is simply an insecure person’s opinion and way of making themselves feel better about themselves.

Either way, it is a fiery dart lodged by someone trying to either be funny or do harm. And it is that person’s poison poured into a nice tall, inviting, cold glass. But you have to choose to drink it if you are going to feel insulted.

Or you spill it out on the floor, realize it is their problem and not yours and move on. Later when emotions are calmed down, you could approach the person and ask them why they used that label and try and learn from it.

Or you could just ignore it and move on.

Either way, you get to be in control of the situation, and of your emotions.

Easier said then done – right?

I’ve found that once I can distance emotion and remove it from the equation, it is much easier to understand the dynamics of what is going on and reduces the urge to gouge someone’s eyes out or shove their tongue down their throat.

I watch it with my children, they know just what to say to spin each other into outer orbit. 2-3 words can result in an hour of fighting and crying. I won’t admit to it … but I might have been the same way when I was an older brother to three little sisters. I wanted to feel significance and control and they made it so easy. But I won’t admit to it.

Words are paper tigers. They can only do us harm when we let them. But we so often let them.

My wife, Stephanie is what others label a “neat freak.” That means that with five children, our house is often clean. It is often dirty as well. And guess what, if we know you are coming over, we clean first, shove the laundry back into the dryer, or fold it quickly. But every morning the kids know they have to have their beds made and clothes put away before they leave for school. Same goes for the kitchen and music room. I’m not sure that should be filed under “freak?”

I’m a total control freak and love to participate in the design of every single aspect of life. ~ Drew Barrymore

What I’ve found from those who have labeled her a “neat freak” is that their homes are usually what could be labeled as a “pig stye.” So it isn’t an insult to Steph as much as it is a reflection on the individual trying to better their feelings by throwing their emotional mud at Steph.

So MH, live up being a control freak. Thanks for kicking our butts into shape and providing organization and control to my physical health. If that is what is considered a control freak – then the world needs a lot more control freaks – so I’m reminded every time I go to Wal-Mart.

Have a freaky weekend!

I’m incredibly neurotic and a control freak. I like the thought that if there’s going to be anyone to blame it’s going to be me. ~ Laura Marling

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Pen and Paper – There is no App For That

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I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up. ~ Ben Franklin

by Pete Ferguson

Old Ben looked for paper validity to his life daily according to this quippy quote – do you?

I recently shared an article “Nine low-tech ways to manage your time more wisely” on our work social website – Yammer – and it was interesting to see the responses about apps that can take care of that.

What was missed is the bigger picture that creating your life plan isn’t about efficiency – it is about the pain and anguish of the analogue commitment of a better life to paper with a pencil or pen.

Outlook or other online calendars can tell you where you need to be, but with pen and paper you can tell your life where it needs to be.

It is intentionally inefficient. It is architecting your future in a very deliberate way. It is more than “buy groceries” – it is committing to where you will be in seven days, thirty days, a year from now. Then chunking activities around those areas to get you there and committing time on your calendar to ensure you arrive.

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I have a process that works very well when applied. It takes about twenty minutes to set up each week and then a minute or two to review each morning. I write down last week’s lessons and then commit to what I will do in the following week. It is a culmination of Covey’s “First Things First” weekly planner, Anthony Robbin’s Massive Action Plan, Dan Miller’s balance of life and Michael Hyatt’s Life Plan.

If there is considerable interest, I’m happy to share it with you. I’d publish the templates but I don’t want to deal with copyright issues and it is fairly personal and evolves each year.

I’ll be honest, after about Wednesday morning, I’m on autopilot and don’t refer to it much, but it gets my week primed for what needs to be done if I am to be successful and accomplish “Big Picture” results in my life. Whenever I feel like I am floundering, I immediately reset with my Life Action Plan and it gets me back on track.

God had approximately 40 authors WRITE THINGS DOWN. Why? Because there is POWER in writing things down! ~ Joseph Sangl on the New Testament

My paper planner is a “to do” and a “to did” accounting of my life that both serves me in the week it is written as well as instructs me in future weeks when I look back. It is a process that is both enjoyable and painful to review.

What do you do to commit to the really important things in life? How do you ensure you are constantly stretching, evolving, growing, and learning?

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Be the Hero

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We are the hero of our own story. ~ Mary McCarthy

by Pete Ferguson

Last night we watched “Won’t Back Down” – a story about two single moms who take over an impoverished school in Philadelphia against all odds.

The story is inspiring, but probably a little out of reach to most. Their main focus was on literacy – but seeing it as the teacher’s union and school’s fault.

About half way through the movie I started counting up how many kids my wife Stephanie is responsible for teaching how to read and help identify learning “disabilities” in the pre-kindergarden years. It is probably close to 100 at this point. That is a pretty significant ripple.

Steph didn’t do it by taking over a school board single handedly. She did it as an entreprenuer.

About five or six years ago she was inspired to go to Ikea and buy a small table and four chairs, and then go to the school and borrow the “I See Sam” books used in K-4 Utah school reading programs and she purchased a booth at a local fair and signed up her first eight or so families under the name “Little School.”

Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way. ~ Booker T. Washington

I’ll be honest, her initial goal was to help get our family out of debt while still being able to spend time with our two youngest daughters. As an added bonus, we would no longer have to pay someone else for preschool and she would get to use her teaching degree that had sat unused since my son was born.

Her vision was literacy and math, and it has paid off in spades. Families who embrace the program and read with their children several times a week are tested at a first – and sometimes second and third grade – reading level. Our daughter and others with September/October/November birthdays who miss the deadline have been able to test out of kindergarden. Her waiting lists for the next two years are full and parents have called her when they find out they are expecting another child to get on the list.

Which got me thinking that being a hero doesn’t occur overnight. It is the culmination – the small additions – of many small acts that build up over time. When I congratulated my wife last night, she looked at me kind of funny and said “gee, thanks, I don’t feel like a hero.”

We are surrounded by heros. We may be a hero to others without knowing it.

 

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Sleep, Dreams, and Reality

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The deep blankets of a Spring morning beckon me back into their warm depths. With a swipe of a finger across “snooze”, I order five minutes more.

Like a mistress, my pillow brushes against my cheek, asking me what could possible be better than to court her the rest of the day.

Within the labyrinth of my mind, dreams await while reality beckons me stronger.

While dreaming allows for limitless possibilities, it is like feasting on water. The mind and body each crave more. So I formulate my plan, jump out of bed, and welcome Monday morning.

by Pete Ferguson

Today we started back up on Boot Camp and I was reminded within seconds that my body is now pushing 41, my mind 20. But the stern encouragement from our coach pushed me through resistance and I was able to discover what lay beyond the mark I thought represented 100%.

We had taken almost a year off to do our own thing. But 28 lbs heavier than where we last left off, I need the structure, encouragement, and accountability.

Our bootcamp is the dream realized by our instructor, Marianne Heder. Marianne was overweight, depressed, and feeling hopeless when she decided she was sick and tired – of being sick and tired. She signed up for every fitness class she could at the local gym, eventually was invited to be an instructor, and dove into every book she could get her hands on.

Eventually she shoved off on her own, and we met her shortly afterwards.

This morning as we tossed around 45lb bags of wood stove pellets, I was again amazed at how she takes what is easily available and works with it.

Her dream has become a reality because she is innovative and moves forward – and lifts where she stands instead of waiting to stand in the perfect place.

Sleep is great, for 6-8 hours a day. But living a great life is far more rewarding for the remaining waking hours.

But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep. ~ Robert Frost

Have a prosperous and enjoyable Monday!

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Pay it Forward

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Don’t be a selfish, self-centered jerk … ~ Me

by Pete Ferguson

A few weeks back I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from several of my fellow bloggers in some time.

I wondered about that for about three seconds. Then I remembered I had not visited or commented on their work for an even longer time.

Shame on me.

Easily rectified. Over the past several weeks I’ve worked to visit and comment on 4-6 blogs of others for every time I’ve written anew.

First, I was inspired to take better care of my body by Ann Musico who educated me that I should be drinking a lot more water. (Still working on this one …)

Next I was reminded by Jeff David that food is good – but I’m trying to avoid anything deep fried, so I must refrain from the photos on his website.

While poetry is generally not my thing, I always enjoy Caroline Gavin’s refreshing prose and her radio shows – of which I was honored to be invited to be interviewed a while back. She is a great hostess, check out her shows.

Because of Farnoosh Brock’s newsletter on juicing vs. blending, I finally took action and tried the following reciepe – which was very good despite what my family had to say about the consistency and color:

- 2 cups spinach leaves, 1 small avocado (or half a large one), 1 banana, 1/2 cup water (I had to add about another 1/4th to get it to pour)

Miles calls it “green poop.” That doesn’t help when you are about to drink a glass.

Until I can get ahold of a good juicer, I will be playing around with blending.

As much as I like to get stuff out of my head by writing – and hope that others are inspired – it is even more important for me to be reading, learning, commenting, and supporting others in the same line of work.

It is rare that we have a great epiphany whilst being entrapped by our own thoughts and actions. But when we are more focused on others, we are able to subconsciously reflect, learn, grow, mature, change, and develop.

Have a great week and I hope others pay it forward to you with a compliment, a thank you, or another kind deed. And I hope you can find a way to do the same for another. I’ll be looking out for more opportunities myself.

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